Monday, February 27, 2006

My reason to blog

Four months ago I buried my best friend. He was four years, nine months, and 17 days old. Needless to say, I was, am and most likely always will be, devastated. At first I was in shock, really, how can such a tragedy occur to me? (Sayeth one who has the arrogance of living a fairly unblemished life.) I didn't know how to cope, or how to respond. I felt lost and alone. I wanted to reach out and touch someone, anyone, but there was no one to touch. My husband and I were catapulted into the realm of lepers. Friends felt sorry for us, but were secretly relieved it wasn't their child who died. Family was of no help, they too, were in a state of shock and grief. And casual acquaintances found our pain too hard to bear. My honey and I found when we went out in public we would get one of two reactions: the curious stare, or the "I'm going to pretend I am blind and don't see you."
To be honest, I don't know which is worse. I suppose it all depends on which way my mood is swinging that particular day. So support has been hard to come by. Don't get me wrong, there are a few who have been wonderful, and can take full credit for my honey and I not jumping off the nearest cliff. But, living rural, and having dedicated the last five years of my life to child-rearing has effectively killed my networking abilities. So, I turned to none other, than you, dearest internet. And now, I feel strong enough, and anonymous enough to talk about life, love and parenting in rural redneck Alberta.
So here is to another mother clogging up the land of Blogdom. I am taking my leap, won't you fall with me?